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7 points submitted 21 days ago

This is a disaster waiting to happen. Mormon women (and many men, too) are conditioned to think you can get engaged and married in 4 6 weeks. I seen it happen.

EDIT: TLDR damn, this is a long post. So sorry. I speak from experience, though. My kids had a stepdad who “thought” he could do it, and official canada goose outlet he actually sort of wanted kids (not like he “didn want them”). As others mentioned, it was not good for the kids, was not good for him, and it wasn good for me, either. This was not a “get married to have sex” thing, and was not a rushed marriage.

canada goose outlet canada Fair warning this part will possibly offend some people, but I speak from experience. I reared active children, and I loved canada goose outlet online them and wanted them, but it is like a war zone. I canada goose factory outlet can canada goose outlet parka imagine how I have felt if I had been “iffy” about canada goose outlet new york city having kids. Here goes: If he doesn like kids now, he will HATE life with them, unless he suddenly develops a strong desire to lose sleep, have his things broken, live with noise levels he is not used to, spend a ton of money on kids clothes, shoes, toys, attend kid movies, have little privacy, deal with repairs because the little darlings damaged paint or canada goose black friday sale something, on on. I love my kids, and I do it again (I wanted children) but that what life was like for those years. canada goose outlet canada

Even if he suddenly loves everything in the above paragraph (oh, I could say even more!), life with the kids 24/7 will greatly affect the time he and this woman have to be one on one together.

canada goose outlet legit I assuming the woman has an ex spouse, and the kids have grandparents on that side. Those dynamics and relationships will be part of his life from then on. canada goose outlet legit

If he focusing on “maybe tolerating the kids” in order to get the carrot at the end of the stick (the sex), he skewing the entire decision process. Would he make that tradeoff for anything else?

canada goose outlet uk sale It sounds like she has given him a set of marching orders for his entire future: Get back active into church. Pay tithing. Have a (butt ugly) temple wedding. Wear the Gs from here on out. Be a good TBM husband and dad. Put up with canada goose jacket outlet things he already recognized are not a good fit for him (the kids, not to mention the church). canada goose outlet uk sale

Ask him what he gets out of this? Ask him if there any two party negotiations on what the future should be? Ask him if, had she not mentioned marriage, he would have suddenly decided that what he wanted, with her and the kids?

official canada goose outlet Ask him what, if he weren married, or were married to someone else but had no kids what he like his life to be like in five years, or 10 years? official canada goose outlet

Yes, it is painful and uncomfortable to pull the plug on a relationship, but it is terribly dishonest NOT to back away. This woman wants the perfect TBM family life (she has a right to want what she wants). She also wants chastity before marriage (she has a right to want that, too). Are these things, in any way, what your brother wanted before she pursued the relationship? She is not a good fit for him, and her upbringing doesn give her much room to negotiate or shift her life viewpoints. And she can exactly make those kids just disappear. If she only recently divorced, she on the rebound.

canada goose outlet usa I advise him to tell her things have moved too fast (not “are moving too fast,” because that implies continued motion; make it past tense). Tell him to man up and set his own boundaries, timeline, and goals. He should cut his losses canada goose outlet uk sale (and her losses), ASAP. canada goose outlet usa

I realize this is a grim prediction on my part, but if he gets married, it unlikely he will back out the minute he knows it was a mistake. That will drag things on, potentially for years. Neither one of them deserves that.

canada goose outlet london uk If he takes a break and dates other people (tell him to get out and ASK a few women for dates), and completely focuses on canada goose outlet other things, he may see this relationship in a more balanced way. She is calling the shots. canada goose outlet london uk

canada goose outlet store uk For the record I am female just in case anyone things I bashing a woman here. I bashing the “hurry up and get married” crap the church inflicts on people. canada goose outlet store uk

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14 points submitted 21 days ago

Let me frame my response a little: I late 30 divorced twice. For starters, I agree you need to have a very honest discussion with your brother. Subjects to include:

“Never dip your pen in company ink.” If he thought she was attractive and vice versa, wait until one of you has moved on to another job. The damage is done now, but dating someone you work with is difficult. It seems great until the relationship doesn work out, and now you have to maintain a professional relationship with that person every day. It incredibly tempting to date co workers (there are some very attractive women at my work) but the fallout if it doesn go anywhere is miserable.

Divorced people aren ready to get back into a relationship “shortly” after a divorce. Full stop. They goose outlet canada might think they are I did too, after both divorces but there are so many emotional/mental issues that surface for weeks or months afterwards that need to be dealt with. My first ex was kind of abusive towards me. When we divorced, I was only canada goose outlet toronto factory sad about losing the dog, being rid of her was an immense relief. But I wasn ready to date, even though I thought I was, and ended up doing very stupid things with a woman canada goose outlet store uk I was attracted to. Looking back, it was because my emotions were too messed up to think clearly. Second divorce, ex and I are still friends, we just parted ways because of issues related to both leaving TSCC, and I thought I was ready to date again because SHE started dating and I wasn jealous. We been best friends for 12 years, and I just canada goose outlet want her to be happy. I started dating someone, we hit it off. Fast forward two months and I realize very suddenly how NOT over things I am, and now she doesn want to break up but I can be in a relationship right now so we in an awkward, painful stalemate. The relationship right after a divorce 90% of the time ends up being a “rebound.” I thought I was beating the odds, but I not. Other divorced friends reminded me of that and I didn listen, and now I have to be a jerk all over again.

canada goose outlet online store review Which leads me to my next point, he shouldn let anyone rush him into a relationship, because he going to resent it in time and become miserable. Like your bro, I a “nice guy” that hates to argue. Woman I dating has pushed the relationship along, and I let her because I liked her. I regret now not speaking up and telling her that I wasn sure if I was ready. She a good person and I don want to hurt her, but I already resent the situation. In your bro situation, he going to resent those kids for sure, and probably her. canada goose outlet online store review

canada goose outlet in canada This kind of goes back to point 2, but anyone who thinks they ready to get married after dating one month is not actually ready. In our Western culture we raised on Disney movies and other media that pushes this idea of “love at first sight,” etc. That because movies and books have a limited amount of space and showing fast paced relationships is much more entertaining than a healthy, progressive relationship. It not reality. After dating my second ex for a month I thought I was ready to marry her, but she still want ready to admit we were in a relationship, so I canada goose outlet canada had to take things slow. Looking back, I wasn ready right then, but after we been dating a few months and gone through some challenges and came out still caring for each other, we both were. So again, no one is ready to get married after one month of dating, anyone who tells you otherwise is ignoring higher divorce rates among Mormons who jumped into marriage because canada goose outlet shop of blue balls and then later realized they weren as compatible as they thought. canada goose outlet in canada

Last: this woman is probably getting alimony and child support, but that doesn mean she isn looking at your brother as her next meal ticket. In Utah once she moves in with someone or gets married, the alimony ends, but raising two kids is hard and single moms sometimes get a little eager to find someone new to help them, financially and otherwise. Tell him to make sure she not using him, because it might not be readily apparent but could be another driving factor in her pushing marriage so ridiculously fast.

Good luck, it sounds like a disaster in the making, but it would be easier for him to take a step back right now.

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canada goose uk site I agree with that. I was a non lds scout master in a large lds town. We did a lot of joint activities with the lds groups. Their leaders were lazy and nonchalant about scouting. They pretty much gave badges away, their kids didn have to work for anything. Must have been nice not doing fundraisers constantly and paying for things out of pocket just to keep the troop running. I not happy at all with the direction scouting is going. If I hadn gotten out of it a few years back I definitely be with the lds church on their exodus. It is going to be interesting to see how long scouts survives without the lds church though canada goose outlet uk at least in my area. canada goose uk site

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canada goose outlet store calgary I suspect so, but with one difference. With the Berlin Wall, there were certainly preceding events that made it unstable, setting the stage, as it were, for its fall. But the fall itself happened very quickly, catching everyone off guard, particularly since it was brought about by accident by the miscommunication you mentioned. With the Church, I see it as more like death by a thousand cuts. This is going to be more a matter of a slowburn canada goose outlet store calgary.